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The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants AndthePerilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evilProfessorforces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = snickle b = doombah c = goober d = cheesey e = crusty f = greasy g =dumbo h = farcus i = dorky j = doofus k = funky l = boobie m = sleezy n =sloopy o = fluffy p = stinky q = slimy r = dorfus s = snooty t = tootsie u =dipsy v = sneezy w = liver x = skippy y = dinky z = zippy


2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half ofyour new last name:
a = dippin b = feather c = batty d = burger e = chicken f = barffy g =lizard h = waffle i = farkle j = monkey k = flippin l = fricken m = bubble n= rhino o = potty p = hamster q = buckle r = gizzard s = lickin t = snickleu = chuckle v = pickle w = hubble x = dingle y = gorilla z = girdle


3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half ofyour new last name :
a = butt b = boob c = face d = nose e = hump f = breath g = pants h = shortsi = lips j = honker k = head l = tush m = chunks n = dunkin o = brains p =biscuits q = toes r = doodle s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles v = frack w= squirt x = humperdinck y = hiney z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.