Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Courtroom Catastrophies!!

Unbelievable, but these are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word:

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people

Again, thanks to Magz for thinking of me :o))


Blogger Madi said...

Sometimes I think my brain is sitting in a jar on my desk.
I wonder if the brain of the person at the computer beside my desk will be a lawyer one day.
Thanks for some good laughs sister-in-law

10:38 PM  
Blogger magz said...

yer welcome sis, i'd do most anything for you!
yer puppy's almost ready... send Rollie over...

12:57 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Madi ~ Greetings dear sister in law! I hope that's my nephew in the chair next to you!
Had a peek at your blog btw, shall be spying on you on a regular basis. CD is in the mail too :o))

Magz~ Almost??? LOL

10:24 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

My brain is sitting on a jar on my desk, too.

Too funny! I like this one the best:
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Sounds like something my brother (the doctor) would say. :)

12:19 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Lisa ~ I have had many a days where i have felt the same!!

4:16 PM  

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