It's Me!

IT'S JUST me, said the young woman talking on the mobile phone as she passed me on the street.That was all there was. We didn't talk. We didn't exchange meaningful looks. She didn't even see me.
Yet I felt the need to chase her. To catch her. To tell her.
And perhaps rip the phone from her ear and, in a caring manner, smack her to the ground and put the boot in. You idiot, I wanted to scream. What are you talking about?
Why, I want to know. Why is it that we choose to belittle ourselves to those who know us better than that?
Only me, we say when we call someone we love and who loves us back. Just me. Me again. You'll be sick of hearing from me.
Yet the person on the other end must know me fairly well. Me could be anyone. Actually, me could be everyone. But to someone this me is someone else who needs no introduction. Well, no introduction other than "me".
The person on the other end might be the parent who gave birth to us, who went all those nights without sleep, who taught us to mind our manners and eat our greens.
Hi Mum, it's just me, we say as if the first part of the greeting doesn't give it away, and as if the second part clarifies the matter if there is any doubt.
Or it might be the person whom we've discovered later in life. The one we've decided is the best one out there to be on hand when our skin sags, our bellies bulge and our memories malfunction. The person we want to be near when their body is weary too. I'll show you my path to old age if you show me yours.
Is this an Australian thing, or do people in other parts of the globe kick off with a "c'est moi" or an "es ist ich"? Maybe it's not so much a question of where but when.
Maybe it's a sign of the times, a left over from the Me Generation of the '80s. Given radio playlists can be stuck in a time zone of 20 years ago, is it a condition that is spreading?
There are times when an "it's me" is quite understandable, although perhaps still unnecessary. When Alexander Graham Bell dialled the first number, chances are the bloke on the other end didn't answer with a "who's calling?"
Bell is generally accepted as the guy who invented the telephone. But even he was considered a dud until he invented the second telephone, and then the whole person-to-person communication thing took off.
With two telephones you've got a conversation between you and me. If you've only got one telephone, well you might as well throw it at the head of the concierge at a swank hotel. It's me. Whack. Just be glad I left the Oscar at home. Now that would really hurt.
How close do you have to be to someone before they qualify for a "it's me"? Do they have to be a friend, a lover, or simply just a voice on the line whom you speak to all the time? Can you be "me" with your sweetheart and "me" with the TransInfo lady who gets you from A to B each day? And are those two me's the same me.
What about twins? Is a "it's me" necessary? I sound like you but, given you are you, then I must be me.
If the Big Brother Logans David and Greg can share underpants without a thought, is any type of introduction simply unnecessary? "I'm wearing your jocks – oh, sorry, it's me."
How many people are there in the world with whom you are willing to share underpants? And do those people consider you as "only me"?
Back to me. This is all about me. It's time for me.
But what about you? Instead of starting with me, let's begin with you.
What about: "Hi, you are the person who thinks I'm the most important person in the world." Let them know who you are and who's the boss all at the same time.
"You are the person who clogs up my shower drain with your hair."
"Leaves the cap off the toothpaste".
Should we begin our conversations with those closest to us by reminding them of our closeness?
"I am your mother." Although given that sentence should only be uttered with the accompaniment of Darth Vader-style heavy breathing, it has its dangers. Kick in with the heavy breathing too soon and they'll hang up on you while you're still reaching for your light sabre.

What if I had chased that woman in the street? What would I have said, after "excuse me"?
And what would she have said in return? "Who do you think you are?"
till next time, Michelle.