Friday, May 12, 2006

Mothers Day Emotions

Mothers Day is quickly approaching. I have a love hate relationship with Mothers Day. When i was a kid, i hated mothers day and fathers day, it would fill me with anxiety like no other "Day". As most of you know, my relationship with my parents as a child was very clinical...for want of a better word, still is with my mother, i think it would have been slightly better with my father if he'd still been alive today.
To have such a clinical relationship, left me with the dilemma each year of what kind of card to buy, and as i grew older, what type of gift?
As a child, i made the cards. They were always very simple and plain. My friends would make cards for their parents too, "You're the best mother/father in the world" "I love you so much mum/dad", they'd write. For me it caused anxst and embarrassment. What on earth do you write in a card when your father has only spoken 5 words to you in 10 years ( LOL, yes he lived in the same house, but believed kids should be seen and not heard) and your mother showed no interest (except at report card time) in your life? I remember one year my mother was so pissed off, i had asked for a dollar to take to school to buy a gift at the Mothers Day stall. My brother and i didn't get much pocket money, and when we did, we'd always spend it on lollies ( candy) because we were never allowed to have them ( in hindsight i should thank my mother for this, i have perfect teeth with not one filling, so does my brother) . My mother went mental "Michelle, i am not giving you money to buy me a gift. Why should i ? That's like making me buy my own gift for myself. You should save your pocket money and buy me something out of that or don't give me anything, i will not give you money any more". Yikes!!! What to do when you're 9 years old and got no money and you want to buy your mother a gift? Well, i ended making something and giving to her. I don't recall her reaction.....probably a good thing!
So we move forward 30 years. I still loathe this time of year. I buy blank cards, or ones without "you're the best mother in the world" " I love you mother", it provides me to write the bare minimum. It's so difficult when you've grown up in a family that's parents were so clinical, whose involvement was very basic.
However, it's not all bad. For me, i am the luckiest mother in the world. For the last 6 years, "A" comes to me for $5 to buy me something at the Mothers Day stall. I gladly hand it to her, knowing full well the gift she's chosen comes straight from the heart. That she's taken the time to choose something that she wants me to have.
Although, a couple of times, the poor pumpkin has handed over "crappy presents" her words, because the kid before her bought what she wanted to give me!! Most years, she presented me with exactly what she wanted though, and she still reminisses over the "perfect wind chime" that she bought before "the other kids got there" mum!!
So "A" went off armed with the $5, i look forward to her smiling face and of course story that goes along with whatever she's chosen :o)

till next time, Michelle.


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