Saturday, October 07, 2006

Let me Explain......

Before i move onto to other issues that i have found of interest, i think i need to clarify "that answer" in the meme below. Yes, #32.

My younger brother and myself have always had a rocky relationship, one i realise now that came to be because of our up bringing ( sadly, i hadn't realised this when i was younger). Without going into the details, we fought like crazy. I know now that for him, it was all about seeking attention from my mother, i don't blame him, my father was always working, when he wasn't sleeping that is. My brother would delibrately set situations up, and i of course, even though the older of the two, would waltz straight into them, hook line and sinker............always in front of my mother. From pushing me into the bedroom wall ( it was drywall lucky for me ) and causing a great crater, to screaming his lungs out from another room and crying alledging i had harmed him in some way.........he did it. We could never sit and play a board game, cards would always end up in tears, usually mine! Of course, i was no angel, and got my own back on a few occasions.......not nearly enough though LOL. So, this is how we grew up.

I left home when i was around 20, moved in with some friends, he was still living at home. My mother would tell me she thought he was into some cult type behaviour, and my dad was freaking out........he and my brother were always at each others throats, fighting. Typical teenage behaviour, but dad had forgotten what it was like to be a teen.
I moved back home when i was around 24, my brother had moved out and was living with his teenage gfriend and her baby in a trailer. Both were heavily into drugs, she was not working, he was as an apprentice in the electronics industry, to this day i will never know how he kept his job. My mother liked the teen girl and always welcomed them when they came to visit, i always left the house till they were gone. My father was son on with a teenage girl who had a child to someone the hell will he keep his job??.........he looked dreadful.

Time went on, he asked to borrow money from my mother, and she gave it to him. Eventually my mother left my father, she moved out of the house. So it was dad and i in the house, my brother was living in the trailer, still on the drugs......worse than before.
He was doing things only those who've dealt with addicts know about, remember, you're not dealing with them, you're dealing with the addiction. He was getting into trouble, hanging out with people he shouldn't. My dad had left for a trip overseas, had been gone a week or so. One afternoon i came home to find my brothers car in the driveway. I walked inside to see he and his girlfriend and child raiding the kitchen cupboards, the floor was covered in left over food. I was furious, and confronted them, asking to clean up the mess before they leave. They refused, "its not your house, we'll do what we like", with expletives thrown in! They went into my dads bedroom, i followed, telling them not to go in there, that there is nothing for them there. The door was slammed in my face. I went down the hall to my bedroom..................the door was ajar. I pushed it open. Everything i owned was either not there, on the floor smashed or outside in the backyard in pieces. I broke down into a sobbing mess in the kitchen.

It didn't continue, i became angry............very angry. What sort of human being would do this, and to his sister?? I was crying, they came back into the kitchen, the screaming began all over again. I asked why they'd done it, looking for money they said. They began laughing, " you won't miss anything, besides you can buy it all again, you better go clean it all up before dad gets back, he'll kill you". There was a knife on the bench, i picked it up, they found it hilarious, and i was in an angry state, one i have never been since, and one i hope i never am again. I began to move towards my brother when the front door opened, my then fiance walked in. Always the calm and level headed one between the two of us, managed to get behind me and get me to drop the knife. He literally picked me up kicking and screaming and out the front door and into his car.
It took me a long time to calm down, i continued shaking for hours, of course he talked sense into me and the following day we both went back to clean the house. I moved out of the house when my dad came home, and he had the house fitted with better security.

So there my friends is the story. I don't like what i did, but i did it, i guess we all have a breaking point. I spent years fighting with him prior to all of this, and then the situation just became overwhelming. For years after we had an on and off again speaking thing happening, when i got married he refused to go, as did my mother, when i had my daughter he wrote a letter to my husband telling him what loser i am, how we didn't deserve to have kids etc. I severed all ties with him at this stage.

So, what of my brother these days? He's happily married, a very lucrative career, 2 daughters (his own LOL), and drug free.....i hope. We don't speak to each other, and i like it like that, its a toxic relationship i and my child can do without.

till next time, Michelle.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home