News Headlines in America 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.